My Sin Upon His Shoulders…

i am into my third month having left shoulder pains, i self diagnosed it as frozen shoulder, but i don’t exactly know because i never went for doctor’s check up as i believe that it will heal by itself….
it has been excruciating.. never have i had any kind of physical pain like this one..

however, i have not thought of writing this blog during my most painful moments, otherwise all you will read about will be my woes and my complaining and that is not fair. the pain has eased a little bit from early this week.. i just keep doing what i need to do, moderate exercises and heat pad and apply pain relieving creams if i really need to. i am also testing my tolerance for pain.. see how far i can go, well, i am surviving, am i not?

i began running again three days ago, thank God for my dear husband for pushing me to do so, because i was so not in the mood to run, or do anything actually, i have lost my appetite to do the usual things that i enjoyed doing, i felt sorry for myself. hmph!

so i thought i needed to shift my focus again, and fast!!! looking at the glass half filled, i thank God that this is only physical pain.. not that i welcome it, but i have gone through emotional difficulties before and i don’t ever want to go through it again. this is more manageable for me, that’s what i meant. i believe God created our physical bodies perfectly that He made it able to heal by itself as long as we will be responsible enough to do what we ought to do.. eat right, do things right.. (“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” ~Romans 12:1)

but my shoulder pain is not much compared with what God carried on His shoulders, all my my sins, even my burdens, my heartaches,  He carries everything for me…. only God has the strength to carry all the weight.. i realized this when we sang this song in church last Sunday.. “How Deep The Father’s Love For Us” by Stuart Townend, where the song goes,,

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

 

yes, despite of the times when i did not stand up for Him, or when i felt discouraged when things around me were falling apart, He still carried me on His shoulders… now dealing with this pain on my shoulder is also being used by God to remind me of His deep love for me and that without Him in my life, i would be carrying everything on my shoulders alone..

How much of a pain are you carrying now? Let God carry it for you…

Psalm 68:19 “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.”

M.

oh yeah, life goes on…

i received an email this morning. it was from my friend breaking the news about their failed attempt to have a baby. this was what she wrote: 

“Friends, sad news, embryo transfer didn’t push through. everything is gone now….need to continue what life is for us…acceptance”.

i feel for her, because we, me and husband, have gone through the same, except that, we didn’t do the in vitro thing like my friends did, just the natural way, and we failed many times. the high hopes, the dreams we had of raising kids, imagine me bringing little “Beatrice” to school, or my husband, shooting hoops with playful “Byron”… but all this never happened.

watched another episode of “Chopped”… one competing chef, after having been chopped from the race, simply said, “i have no regrets, no room for regrets, we all have to move on”…

how should i deal with my failures and regrets? i say simply bury them, leave them behind and move forward. i know it is easier said than done because i struggle moving on A LOT. this is one best playground for the devil to play with us and once we give in to his lure into getting involved in the play,, we are doomed.

good thing is that i still have my faith in God. yes there are mornings i don’t feel like getting up, but thinking that this day, too, will be over, then i get up and do the most i can to get on with life.

this song, “Jack and Diane”, by John Cougar Mellencamp, has a different story, but it has been playing on my mind since this morning after reading my friend’s email:

M.

it’s over???

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” – Matthew 6:33

i finally did it! my very first half marathon, and i feel great!

we headed to the venue about 45 minutes early from gunstart. this is my first time to join a real run event here in Canada and people are not as “agog” as we are back home, or more apt to say, much more inhibited… me and my running partner, Blynn, whispered a short prayer before anything else, thanking God for the opportunity to mingle and for the strength and stamina.

at the onset, our pace was unexpectedly fast probably because we got used to running the uphill course when we did our training, this time, there are more flats and downhill than uphill. so it is good for me, in a way, for a first timer, i can have a great finish time and put my training to very good use :).

i “categorized” my iPod music to three parts, which i intended to change every 1/3 of the distance.. first part will be for my Praise and Worship music, it is the time when i browsed through my mind for all the people i would like to pray for, to remember my thanksgiving to the Lord, and just to Praise Him through music… second part is,, ahem, i decided to choose all BeeGees (and Andy Gibb) songs, be it their love song or their disco music… i love it when i run to SPICKS AND SPECKS i love the piano intro, and the melody.. keeps me at a moderate pace… also i love YOU WIN AGAIN” (click on titles to listen)… just for the beat (it is a love song i think). And of course my last 1/3 of my run music is when i have faster bpms that will psyche me up to maintaining my pace…

however, by the time i reached my 18km mark, soles of my feet started to sore… i would stop often to do some stretching. Up in my mind, i repeat over and over, “3 KMS LEFT, 3 KMS LEFT….” it IS a mind over matter game really.. by this time, i shut off my iPod to hear the cheerers as there were more of them at this point.. i smiled and waved and gave my thumbs up..

finally, crossing the race arch, i heard my name over the PA and that’s it!!! I FINISHED THE RACE :)… thank God!!! (unofficial time at 2:26:11, pace of 6:56 mins/km).. seeing Blynn at the finish line ahead of me, we gave each other a big bear hug and high fives… what a feeling! THANK YOU LORD FOR RUNNING WITH ME…

TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOREVER!!

M.

on the rebound…

i am sure all of us, with no exceptions, have uttered the phrase “I SHOULD HAVE…”

someone has told me, “I SHOULD HAVE…” is one of the worse things to say, because it is an expression of regret, of something we should have done but didn’t or feeling of having lost something, be it feelings or opportunities, that we feel the world would have been a much better place if we have chosen the other way, or so we thought (truth is, it is actually more about doing what is convenient for me)…

but the thing is,, we will never know which one is the better choice for us, right?

recently, i have been going through that feeling, of having the wrong choice, of not being able to do what is right and that, i am forgetting to look at the positive side of things, the glass being half filled, as the song goes, i “sink beneath the waves of negativity” (“HOLD ME TOGETHER” by Royal Tailor – click title for youtube link)….in short, i was so easily discouraged about many things going on in my life.

having read the story of Nehemiah, when he was tasked to rebuild Jerusalem, despite opposition and criticism around him, his integrity and faith in God made him continue and finish his work… and i thought of my own walls that crumbled and need rebuilding… unlike Nehemiah,, i went a-crying and a-blaming myself, and regretting…

but, i thank the Holy Spirit for the many people around me who encourage me,, the prayers He taught me to pray, the beautiful music i listen to, that now i am on the rebound… yes, it was that easy, because God is a merciful God, and He is the only one i can look to in times of distress,, PRAISE HIM ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!

James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

M.

Q.C.I.M. happy

I am Happy, I did it again!
did my 4th 10km race yesterday morning with my Team MSP running friends via 3rd Quezon City International Marathon.

i make sure that for my first 2 kms of my run, whether at the oval or at any races, i listen to praise and worship music (to begin with, “ONE WAY JESUS” by Hillsong), think of all what God has done for me, pray for my mother’s condition, thank God for all the blessings He gave me, at the same time, start with just a relaxed run…  then, when i begin with my 3rd kilometer, my music is switched to running mode (such as “LOVELY DAY” by Bill Withers) which triggers me to increase my pace,, hehe many times it is not good because i tend to exhaust my energy even before i reach halfway hahaha… so, any new runner must not heed to my strategy, but I am happy with it, that is just my style..

i finished in 70 minutes, not good and not bad, considering that i have not seriously been training and my being an overweight, blame it on my thyroid? haha we always have something to blame if things do not work out right, don’t you think so? i would usually end my run with my music to push me,, (such as “ROCKIT” by Herbie Hancock)

anyways, what matters most is that being able to accomplish it and i am glad i made it, with no injuries. Thank God for that!!

“Let all that I am praise the LORD; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things he does for me.”

Psalm 103:1-2

M.

sad.. but glad…

last weekend, my good friend invited me for a trail hike at the Grouse Grind for our last minute summer escapade. i love trail hiking, i remember doing it,, ahem, in high school,, when we had our bivouac and in my many trips to the woods with my mother, when we would look for firewood for the kiln for soap making factory (yes, it was a 17th century soap making factory)… they were part of my good memories..

so, this time, i was so excited to go and when we got there, we geared up and got ready, but unfortunately, the gates were already closed since it is beginning to get dark earlier at this time of the year.. Phooey! what a real bummer! there was nothing else to do but head home.. huhu.. end of story one..

yesterday was my last day of my temporary work. i thank God that i am able to establish friendships and good work relations with my peers even for a short while. but as the song goes, “all good things must end some day” (A Summer Song).. out with the finished, in with the next one… i will surely miss them. end of story two..

in every circumstance in my life that might bring disappointments or sadness to me, whether serious event or something ordinary, i try my best to look at the other side  (which is, hopefully, the good side)  i always like to challenge myself to see what’s in store for me why such a thing happened or is happening to me, then i get what i learn from it and move on.

it still all comes down to one thing, GOD has a purpose for everything.  He knows when something will be right or wrong for me.. and,,,,,, life goes on. 🙂

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

M.

who am i?

just want to share with you this song by Casting Crowns.

it tells of how the Lord considers how special each one of us is.  we may be just a grain of sand or a speck of dust in the wind, but in God’s eyes, we are something to Him.

why do i say that? as the song goes,, it is not because of who i am, but it is because of what He has done for me.  i remember one time many years ago, having a conversation with a christian friend, i was still single then.  i told him, i do not think somebody will be willing to give up his or her life for me… and i threw back the question at him, would you die for anybody? he told me yes, he will die for his wife.

okay, so that time i didn’t understand yet as i was unmarried. but the thing is, i thought how fortunate his wife would be to have someone take his life for her..

but, without me knowing it then, someone ALREADY did die for me and that is my Lord and Saviour and FRIEND, Jesus Christ.  He died for my sins and carried my burdens.. why should i then worry about my life? He is there always and all the time. 🙂

thank You Lord Jesus, for all you have done for me and mankind.  You are so great and so powerful and Your name i lift up to Your Glory!

M.